Tuesday, October 23, 2007
What crap? // 5:52 PM
I've seen what i wasn't suppose to see.
I've read what i wasn't suppose to read.
I've infered what i wasn't suppose to infer.
I've thought about it like how i wasn't suppose to think about it.
Am i thinking too much? Or should i just let it go once and for all and not think about it?
You told me you aren't worth to me, and i've got lots of friends.Seriously, to me,
that's crap. I tried to treasure as many as i can, and everyone's worth to me.
Even you. To you, maybe you're thinking, you're just noone to me; i wouldn't even care. But how much do you know? Maybe you don't even know anything at all. I've sleepless nights thinking about how to solve the problem; i've had headaches trying to think of what to do; i've my eyes swollen just because i've thought about all negative things.
But why do i still continue to let myself suffer if you're not an important friend? Why am i still doing all these things just to get our friendship moving, and get back all the fun we've had?I've always thought doing all these was so worthwhile, even though what i got was more disappointment because i couldn't get what i want. And thus, sadness just engulfed me, as easy as 123. And, i even make myself to avoid seeing you everytime i went home from work.
Yes, who doesn't agree that friendship is very important? I'm so envious of Gina now, because she can keep you as a very very good friend; she can have you as a very best friend, chatting anything under the sun. Why can't i have this chance?
And, what if i've got lot's of friends? So?Mrs. Benjamin: "...casual friends. Casual friends are hi-and-bye friends."Carissa: "ooh, i've got lots of casual friends."Well, me too. I've got too many to count. Just too many. But no matter what, i don't understand why i can't put you in that section. And then i found out, that i didn't want you to be my hi-and-bye friend.
This is just so crap to all who don't understand how i feel, ain't it?I've got so much to say, i'm feeling so stressed. I want to give it up, but yet i don't want to. Yet, i think i've got no choice.
-6:28pm-
you said goodbye
again, for the
so many times.
I hate myself too, because i can't get over this goodbye-stuff.
Tell me, how to stay happy?! Stop telling me to stay happy,
mr. dinosaur.
Know what? This is definitely so
fuck.
Hey, who doesn't curse?Anyway, thank you Michelle, for lending me your shoulder on the bus.
